In Between

An Essay by Mark Abbott Sr.

I was born in the gap of a generation. Too late for the protest and free love movement. Too soon for the greed and money movement. I could see how the protest and free love movement shaped the world but was too young to have a say in it.

I watched as the names scrolled by every night at the end of the news calling out the dead and missing from Vietnam. I was too young to really understand what the significance was and it would be long over before I had to worry about being drafted and sent to do my part. I was too young to see JFK or MLK Jr. rise and fall. Too young to understand Watergate. By the time I learned about these events, they were history. Like Pearl Harbor or the Holocaust, things I learned about in school but held no real place for me in my reality.

The first president I voted for was Ronald Reagan. He was charismatic and talked about the great America that we needed to be. The return to a strong military and strong world power. He spoke with hope and confidence, telling everyone how we could be part of the next great generation. I wanted to be part of that generation so I submitted my vote and felt proud in doing so. I watched excitedly as he won and the world changed. The hope and promise he brought to the world was electric. I felt that I could do anything.

Reality is a ruthless master though and a high school dropout like me was relegated to the sidelines, working two or three part time jobs and living in a small apartment with a friend. I was not part of this new solution, this press for education and business savvy, building wealth and prestige. The generation before me and the generation after me were the ones that benefitted, I was left out.

Sure, my own decisions played a large part in this. School was boring and I was eager to make my own way, like my father and grandfather before me. If they could drop out and be successful, why not me? But those days of working hard and moving up the ladder  had shifted. Education, college specifically, was the new demand of the world.

I made adjustments, took the GED, went to community college, but full time work, marriage, and children take time and energy. Not that I have any regret there, I don’t. The greatest satisfaction in my life are my wife and kids. I don’t know where I would be if they were not part of my life.

I took jobs in the defense industry, working hard and trying to educate myself, trying to make a mark. I moved from job to job maximizing every opportunity to advance. If I found a road block, I went around it. I set my sights on the next level, the next position and pushed to get it. I was aggressive and impatient.

The world continued to change though. It evolved and demanded more. More than I had.

Or so I thought.

It was the day after Jeanne left me. I was so focused on all this stuff, hard work and occupational achievement, that I couldn’t see what was right there in front of me. The most important things I had. I was sacrificing the part of life that is the most important. I was letting my wife feel unwanted and alone, my son have an absentee dad. Just like I had.

I realized that I could struggle and push and try to make up for all the gaps I felt I had in my life, or I could focus my energy on my family. I could choose to be in their lives, in my wife’s life. I could be present.

There was this gap in my family’s history. This area where our fathers were impatient and chose to spend their energy on earning a living and not looking forward to other possibilities. I had followed in my father’s footsteps and chose to find a shortcut, to start working instead of investing in myself and my future.

This meant that I was not investing in my family’s future either.  How was I going to be the one who could show them what possibilities they could have when I didn’t consider them for myself? Did I want this for them, this life of what ifs? Or did I want them to have more, to start better?

So I had a choice. I could fill the gap between the past and present, the what is and what could be. Or I could just continue the pattern of accepting the shortcuts in life and not challenging myself or my kids to something more.

I chose more.

I had to be tough, college was part of the mandate for my kids, from early on there was no discussion. They would be educated. They were my priority. I had to invest in them, my time and energy, whatever it demanded, I did. If they were part of some school activity or play or sporting event, I was there. I would coach, referee, cheer, and support.

I had almost missed it. I almost failed to realize that investing in things that would only feed my ego for success would never satisfy me. I was so wrapped up in seeking that next move or job that I almost sacrificed the wrong things. It was the investment in the future, the future of my kids,  that would have the greatest return. All the sacrifice and energy would someday produce greater results than I could even imagine.

Sure, I never got to march in some of the great protests or achieve notoriety, or have some great accomplishment for myself. But there is great satisfaction in knowing that I have had a hand in sending the world two great people of passion, intellect and heart. Two people who can and will change the world. They are where they are, and not where I was, because I saw the gap, stood in it and lived in it. They would never know that world that I came from, the world of starting from behind.

I stood in between, held off the past compromises and shortcomings, the temptations and shortcuts, and pushed them forward towards dreams and possibilities. I was able to be strong for them. Take the hits, suffer the setbacks, pay the price. Saying no only to those things that could derail the possibilities, but saying yes to so much more.

So, you will have to forgive me if I am too proud of my kids. I still get to cheer for them from the  sidelines and watch them do great things. I get to see their passion and know that I have had some small part in it. I have been able to let go of what I thought was important and see what is valuable. They are the legacy that I could only dream of, and they are worth every bit of my life.

They are strong and thoughtful and resilient and have so much to say. They get to protest and speak and march in a time when we need it. They are a voice of their generation.

I hope you are listening.

Mark Abbott Sr. is one of the funniest people you will meet. His jokes are legendary and he is widely known for his satire. He is quick with a quip and you should not listen to his children or wife as they obviously have no appreciation for humor, especially his.

Mark is husband to Jeanne and father to Mark Jr., Heather and Father in law to Rachel. He works for Fastsigns as an Account Manager.

You can find more from him at markusknight.wordpress.com